A word, after the election

Elections in this country always mean that there is a winner and a loser, a victory and a defeat. So even if you are feeling wonderful after Tuesday’s election, it might be good to be aware that those around you, possibly including people whom you deeply care about, may not be feeling so wonderful.

Either way, there’s a lot of intensity right now, and either inner intensity or outer intensity can be helped with yogic practices.

So I thought I would share a few practices that are near and dear to my heart, in hopes that they might also be of benefit to you.

My teacher would say that a productive discussion can only happen between two parties when both are willing to change their mind. If either or both are unwilling to change their mind, then it’s an argument, not a discussion; and it’s no longer productive but a waste of precious time and energy.

Knowing this has really blessed me, in my conduct both online and out in the world. It’s helped me preserve my precious mental and emotional resources, and my time, for what is actually most important to me, what can ultimately be of most benefit in my life.

In the yogic tradition we believe that whatever we put out into the world eventually comes back to us. So because we don’t want to suffer, we do our best not to cause any harm or suffering to anyone, whether intentional or unintentional. The two primary ways we cause harm are with our words, and with our actions.

So, now to the practice. Mindful speech, or Vāk Tapaḥ, has four aspects.

These four aspects of what we speak (and type!) form an ongoing practice for any person who is committed to a path of integrity.

If you wish to grow spiritually and emotionally, try this practice, even in a small way – and I guarantee you will definitely start growing and maturing very quickly! (In full disclosure, this is something I’m still working on myself. It takes a long time, especially if the bad habits are well-practiced.)

1. Non-harming (Anudvega). Don’t speak if the person you are speaking to doesn’t really wish to listen. When our words are not welcome, is when they are most likely to cause harm. In addition, curb away any harmful habit of gossip, or speaking about someone else in a manner in which you yourself would not wish to be spoken of. Insults and derogatory terms certainly fall in this category.
   If you are privately seeking counsel and genuinely trying to solve a conflict by soliciting trusted advice from a neutral party, that is a different matter, and you can always do so with genuine care and respect for all involved.
2. True (Satyam). When what I know and what I speak are in union, this is truth. I don’t intentionally lie or mislead another person, just as I would not want anyone to intentionally lie or mislead me. This doesn’t mean we always have to say what’s on our minds – on the contrary, practicing Satyam usually means we’ll be speaking less than before. It takes good judgment to know when is the right time and place to speak up. And it takes self-reflection to know what we really feel and express it authentically.
3. Kind (Priyam). The manner, the delivery with which we speak, matters. If we’re to have a difficult conversation, it makes sense to save it for face-to-face, because so much can be misinterpreted from an email or a text, or a comment online. Our face and eyes communicate a lot, as does our body language. Even if we say words that on the surface appear kind, if we use sarcasm or a tone of voice that indicates we don’t mean what we say, it can still be hurtful. So we should be mindful of this.
4. Ultimately good (Hitam). We should speak about things that are uplifting, that elevate the consciousness of the other person, that bring relief for both parties. This category is important because it includes sincere apologies when we have crossed the other three guidelines. It also includes refraining from excessive self-criticism or self-harming speech. Whatever we speak out loud, our subconscious hears and applies it internally. So the kindness and compassion goes 360 degrees!

It’s important to note that these are practices for oneself, not to preach about or demand from anyone else. It’s an internal, personal practice that we can choose to take on or not.

These practices are needed now more than ever, at a time when words are losing their power because they are thrown around carelessly and used out of context.

It’s a time when people feel empowered to say things online that they would never consider speaking to a person’s face. (I’ve been guilty of this also). So it’s worth taking serious time to consider what we say and what we type.

Now, a few additional suggestions for remaining balanced if you find yourself struggling right now.

Take media breaks. While staying informed to a certain extent is prudent, there’s a limit to what our bodies, minds, nervous systems, and emotions can handle.

Compared even to our not-so-distant ancestors, the modern human in the industrial age is required to deal with FAR more sensory input than even 100 years ago, what to speak of 1,000. We are simply not set up for it, and it can actually make us ill.

Notice when your senses are getting over-stimulated. This can guide you in discerning when a break is needed. Then it’s a matter of pulling yourself away and re-directing your attention and energy to something that can benefit you.

Notice how you feel after spending time online, and on various social media. Do you feel better? Or worse? It may change day to day, and there’s a fine line between just enough and too much.

So be kind to the creature of your body. If you can swing it, an entire day without screens is a blessing. But even half a day or just one evening or just one hour, will be of definite benefit.

Whatever changes life brings, we are sure to have emotions about it. What emotions come up are both totally individual/unique and common to everyone. Having a daily practice of sitting with your emotions in the body is both practical and necessary for healing.

Modern psychology focuses perhaps overly much on cognizing, “figuring out” the emotions and making sense of them through story, thoughts and words. While this is helpful and necessary at times, there also comes a time when we just need to FEEL it. Feel the despair, the rage, the fear, the sadness, the grief, the numbness, the pain, the frozenness.

When we feel the emotion in our body, breathe into it, allow the body to express through movement and sound, and bring comforting self-touch to the body, it allows the emotion to clear much faster than if we spend endless hours thinking or trying to figure out the emotion.

Simply feel it, meet it with loving awareness, and it will move through. It takes time. But then a space will open in which joy, relief, calmness, peace, and comfort can exist. This is the greatest blessing of somatic work.

Anytime we feel helpless, is a good time for prayer. In fact anytime is a good time for prayer, but especially when we are struggling.

Whatever way you relate to the Divine; God/Goddess, the ancestors, the psychological Inner Friend, the Universe, or the forces of Mother Nature; it’s so important to have a relationship with a benevolent something, beyond yourself, and to ask for help and receive it.

As my teacher says, “we are never helpless, we can always pray.” So it’s good to know that the anger and fear we feel is often covering up a more vulnerable feeling of helplessness or loss of control. We can escort that young inner child who feels helpless, to the loving lap of some form of the divine that we feel love and non-judgment from. This can become an immense source of comfort and stability.

A simple prayer we can say right now, which is open to anyone from any faith background, is ”Peace, Peace, Peace” or in Sanskrit, “Śāntiḥ Śāntiḥ Śāntiḥ” pronounced shaanti-shaanti-shaantihi. If you don’t relate to the Sanskrit or know how to pronounce it, you can simply say Peace three times in your own language. We say it three times because there sources of karma, three realms in which we wish there to be peace:

1. First, peace in my own body, mind, and senses. May I feel peace inside, and may my words and actions reflect that inner peace (feeling & meeting our emotions first, is usually a pre-requisite to experiencing inner peace!)
2. Second, peace to those around me: My friends, family, those in my immediate circle and my community – also including my home, my neighborhood, my pets, my children, etc. I wish peace to those I have influence over, and who directly influence me.
3. And third, peace to all that which is out of my control. The larger world, the country, all the people that I don’t directly know or have contact with, and the uncontrollable forces of nature. We invoke peace for all that is outside our control, and then release it to be as it is, so we can return to our own heart in quietude.

This threefold prayer has been spoken and passed on since beginningless time.

May it bring YOU peace.